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When I was a kid, I was worried about death, and now I’m a father that knows more about death.
I started to think about death when I was 6 years old. One after noon, I stood in front of my house. A funeral procession of an old man goes through the street. All his family are crying and sad. It made me very confused. I ran home and asked my mom.
‘Why are they crying? Did they lose something? ’
‘No, my boy, they didn’t lose anything, they just lost their dad, an old man.’
‘What do you mean to lose? Why don’t they go out and get him back? ’
‘Ok, let me tell you that human beings have to die one day, and we said lost or passed away means died. ’
‘Include me and you, even grandmother? ’
‘I have to say yes, but I don’t worry about it, you're just a kid, it’s too early to think about death.‘
So I went away and played with my car toys. Ten minutes later, I started to cry loudly. My mom got confused. She picked me up and asked me why, but I could not answer when I was crying heavily. I was so sad about death, about mom and grandmother and me. I don’t want to die.
When I was 8 years old, I asked my friend LeLe about death.
‘Hey, do you know that human beings will die one day? ’
‘Yeah, I know it. ’
‘What do you think about it? Are you afraid of death? ’
‘Yeah, I think it's just OK. I mean it’s not a big deal, and I’m not afraid about it if death doesn’t make me hurt or itchy. ’
He is just 6 months older than me, but he is very calm about death. It makes me very surprised.
When we all grew up in our 20s, one day I met him. We talked about death again.
‘Hey, LeLe, do you remember that we talked about death? ’
‘Yeah, it was a good question that I never talked with anybody. ’
‘Here come again, what do you think about death now? ’
‘Oh, let me see, I think it is not a big deal for me. ’
‘Why do you think so? ’
‘It’s easy. I have two kids now, a boy and a girl. I love them so much. If they are both having good care, even though I have died now, I have nothing to worry about.’
His answer is so clever and clear, it makes me think more about death.
You may not know that we Chinese have no God, that’s true. But we have our own hell under the ground named DiFu. People go to DiFu after death and continue to live there forever, so the people we still alive have to give them money for life. It’s weird, I know. But it has worked for so many years to help the government to keep the people in the local field.
Now I’m 34, I'm still learning about death. I read some books about philosophy. I know death more than ever.
Death is the most fair thing in the world. We have to die one day no matter who we are, no matter what we do, no matter what we do. Human beings have to die.
So I got the point that death makes life mean, no death no work, no death no forward, no death no one thinks.
So we have to hurry to create our life, don’t wait for heaven or DiFu.
By the way, I will keep asking my friend LeLe about the death question, maybe we are in our 40s, or later.